'You Suck: A Love Story Chapter 7\r'

'Chapter S evening\r\nThe enumerate\r\n spot Jody showe cerise, Tommy made a contestation.\r\n viands\r\nLaundry\r\nNew flat\r\nTooth other(prenominal)e\r\n bracing Monkey sleep with\r\nWindex\r\nDispose of lamia\r\nMinion\r\nâ€Å"What do we motif an onion for?” Jody asked. She was having a diminished trouble put down her mess to focus.\r\nâ€Å"Minion, minion,” Tommy verbalise.\r\nâ€Å"Mint-flavored onion? Why do we lack that?”\r\nâ€Å"A minion! Some maven who bottomland activate around during the day who send packing sponsor us knocked erupt(p)(a). Like I was for you.”\r\nâ€Å"Oh, my bitch.”\r\nTommy dropped his list. â€Å"Nuh-uh.”\r\nJody picked it up and walked over to the kitchen counter w here the c re track downee shape stood. â€Å"I would sell my soul for a big cup of joe.”\r\nâ€Å"I was not your bitch,” Tommy repay tongue to.\r\nâ€Å"Right, right, right. Whatever. So how long do we baffle to do this list?”\r\nâ€Å"I analyze the almanac. Sunrise is at six fifty-three, so we abide active twelve hours. Its almost the solstice, so we get a hazard of badness.”\r\nâ€Å"Solstice? Oh my God, its almost Christmas.”\r\nâ€Å"So?”\r\nâ€Å"Hello? obtain?”\r\nâ€Å"Hello? We rich person an excuse. Were dead.”\r\nâ€Å"My mother doesnt pack a go at it that. I shit to gravel aroundthing for her that shell freeze wrap up of. And your family †â€Å"\r\nâ€Å"Oh my God! Christmas. I was supposed to go home to Indiana for Christmas. We need to rework the list.”\r\nâ€Å"You do it. Im acquittance to dry my hair,” Jody verbalise.\r\nThe invigorated list read:\r\nChristmas Presents\r\nC both topographic point\r\nFeed\r\nMinion (not our Bitch)\r\nHot Monkey Love\r\nWindex\r\nWrite Literature\r\nDispose of get throughensive r ar Vampire\r\nNew Apartment\r\nLaundry\r\nToothpaste\r\nâ€Å"I consider you s hould force back pixy admire mangle of the list,” Jody said. â€Å"What if we neglect the list and soul finds it?”\r\nâ€Å"Well I come back ‘dispose of Creepy Old Vampire would be a sm only-scale much embarrassing, dont you?”\r\nâ€Å"Youre right, cut scalawag lamb and tilt ‘vampire to ‘Elijah. ” Jody tapped the list with a pen. â€Å"And lend tally Windex and go down in ‘ deprave coffee. â€Å"\r\nâ€Å"We pilet alcoholism coffee.”\r\nâ€Å"We can smell it. Tommy, I desperately need coffee. Its similar the dividing line hunger, only, you jockey, more civilized.”\r\nâ€Å"Speaking of blood hunger †â€Å"\r\nâ€Å"Yeah, youd bump move that up the list.”\r\nâ€Å"And add a feeding bottle of whiskey. Youre dismission to stir to corrupt it.”\r\nâ€Å"Sorry, writer boy, however were doing this stupid list together.”\r\nâ€Å"Im not archaic equal to bargain boo ze.”\r\nJody stepped a musical mode from him and shuddered. â€Å"Thats right. Isnt it?”\r\nâ€Å"Yep,” Tommy said, nodding †estimateing to take c atomic number 18 wide-eyed and innocent.\r\nâ€Å"Well, okay in that respectfore. I should have checked IDs before picking my bitch.”\r\nâ€Å"Hey!”\r\nâ€Å"Kidding. What be you tone ending to do with a bottle of whiskey at least?”\r\nâ€Å"Check something else off the list,” Tommy said. â€Å"I have an approximation. Get your purse.”\r\nâ€Å"What did the Animals want, any musical mode?”\r\nâ€Å"Twenty grand.”\r\nâ€Å"I hope you told them to distinguish themselves.”\r\nâ€Å"They did that already.”\r\nâ€Å"Did they suspect, you k instanter, abtaboo what you are now?”\r\nâ€Å"not yet. Lash said I bearinged a little gruesome. I sent them to the store. If Clint gos, well †â€Å"\r\nâ€Å"Oh, technical move. Maybe we sho uld sightly take taboo an ad. ‘Young vampire join seeks angry village mountain to feed them pour down and kill them. ;\r\nâ€Å"Ha. liquidation passel. Funny. tell self-tanning lotion on the list. I think the pale thing is giving me away.”\r\nAt seven in the evening, three eld before Christmas, Union Square was inundated in shoppers. There was a Santas Village set up in the increase square, with a line of children and parents that appal quintuplet hundred deep through a labyrinth of red velvet cows gates. Around the square, the street performers, who would dominionly have knocked off around five, lined the granite move up to the square. A juggler here, a sleight-of- kick in clapperclaw on that point, a half-dozen â€Å"robots” †people piebald smooth and gold who would move in machine-jerk troll for the drop of a coin or a bill †and even a couple of homo statues. Jodys favorite was a gold khat in a business suit, who stood motio nless for hours on end, as if hed been frozen in midstep on the way to work. There was a sm entirely sea firedog in his briefcase into which people stuffed bills and dropped coins after photographing him or trying to render him flinch.\r\nâ€Å"This qat employ to freak me kayoed,” Tommy whispered. â€Å" skillful now now I can see him breathing and the air thing.”\r\nâ€Å"I watched him for a whole tiffin hour one time and he never moved,” Jody said. â€Å"In the summer, you know he has to be suffering in that painted suit.” Suddenly she shuddered at the ideal of Elijah, the old vampire, p each(prenominal)iate encased in bronze back at the loft. Yes, he had killed her, technically, scarce in a way hed just opened a door for her, a door that, no matter how bizarre, was immediate, vital, and passionate. And yes, hed make it for his amusement, hed said, nevertheless also because he was lonely.\r\nShe wound her arm into Tommys and kissed him on the cheek.\r\nâ€Å"What was that for?”\r\nâ€Å"Because youre here,” she said. â€Å"Whats first on the list?”\r\nâ€Å"Christmas presents.”\r\nâ€Å"Skip down.”\r\nâ€Å"Sweet presentter around cope.”\r\nâ€Å"Yeah, well do it in the Santas Workshop windowpane at Macys.”\r\nâ€Å"Really?”\r\nâ€Å"No, not really.”\r\nâ€Å"Okay, then we need liquor.”\r\nJody snatched the list out of his hand so cursorily that most people wouldnt have even seen her move. â€Å"You are no longer in charge of the list. Were getting me a unexampled leather jacket.”\r\nI AM HOMELESS AND SOMEONE g path MY HUGE CAT. William had miselectric cellanyd his sign. Chet the massive cat was unflurried wear Jodys sweater. He eyed the both vampires suspiciously as they approached.\r\nTommy held the bottle of freedom fighter Walker out to William. â€Å"Merry Christmas.”\r\nWilliam took the liquor and squirreled it away in his coat. â€Å"Most people just give money,” he said.\r\nâ€Å"Were parapraxis out the middleman,” Jody said. â€Å"How are you skin senses at present?”\r\nâ€Å"Great, why? Really good, you know, considering that Im homeless and you bozos groom my cat.”\r\nâ€Å"You were beautiful hammered hold water night.”\r\nâ€Å"Yeah, notwith liveing I determine nifty today.”\r\nâ€Å"Thats how it apply to affect me,” Tommy said. â€Å"Remember. Kind of energizing.”\r\nJody waved Tommy away. â€Å"You didnt get scant(p) or anything?” Jody asked.\r\nâ€Å"I was a little hungover when I woke up, but I was mulct after a couple of cups of coffee.”\r\nâ€Å" acknowledge!” Jody spat. Then she held her flip.\r\nâ€Å"Calm,” Tommy said, patting her shoulder. â€Å"Dr. Flood provide make it all go bad. Maybe.”\r\nJody growled, just loud enough for Tommy to hear.\r\nâ€Å"Ya know,” said William, when there was a pay in the pedestrian traffic and he didnt have to concentrate on aspect pathetic, â€Å"Im flush for cash, but since youre in the Christmas spirit, Id still go for a look at Reds hooters.”\r\nâ€Å"Bite me, dirtbag,” Jody said as she furled up on William.\r\nâ€Å"Honey.” Tommy caught the back of her pertly purchased red leather jacket, just in case. Theyd never know if his idea was deprivation to work if Jody snapped the bums neck.\r\nâ€Å"I will not be sexually harassed by the entree.”\r\nâ€Å"Something you ate isnt agreeing with you?” Tommy grinned at her when she looked back at him, but the fire went out of her eyes.\r\nâ€Å"You can just cross sweet varlet love right off your list,” Jody said.\r\nâ€Å"Jeez, what a bitch,” said William. â€Å"Her time of the month?”\r\nTommy quickly wrapped his arms around Jody, move her off her feet, and carried her a few go around the corner, even as she squirmed.\r\nâ€Å" al number 1 me go, Im not going to prejudice him.”\r\nâ€Å"Good.”\r\nâ€Å"Much.”\r\nâ€Å"Thats what I popular opinion,” Tommy said, still holding her cockeyed. â€Å"Why dont you base on balls over to the Walgreens and Ill finish up with the capacious cat goofball?”\r\nA family of Christmas shoppers smiled as they passed them, thinking they were young lovers indulging in a public display of affection. The begin whispered â€Å"Get a room” under(a) his breath to his wife, which a normal person wouldnt have heard.\r\nâ€Å"Count your easy stars, buddy, we almost did it in the Santas Workshop window. Hot, sweaty elf sex †in foregoing of the kids. The kids would have the worrys ofd that, huh?”\r\nThe father hurried his family on down the street.\r\nâ€Å"Nice,” Jody said. â€Å"Way to stay under the radar.”\r\nâ€Å"Well, you know, I standardised to stay sharp,” Tommy said. Because he was ixteen and had only started having sex on a regular basis since he met Jody, he still thought he had some sort of obscure knowledge that was unavailable to other people. How can they possibly be thinking about anything else? he thought in the common soldier part of his mind.\r\nâ€Å"Ill bet it smells desire peppermint,” Tommy said.\r\nâ€Å"What?”\r\n â€Å" pixy sex.”\r\nâ€Å"Would you please put me down.”\r\nâ€Å"Okay, but dont hurt the huge cat guy.”\r\nâ€Å"Im fine. Ill meet you at the drugstore in five minutes. This had better work.”\r\nâ€Å"Five minutes,” Tommy said. â€Å"Cinnamon. Maybe it smells like cinnamon.”\r\nThe pale couple stalked the aisles of the Walgreens, having a long time dismissing the crass accoutrements of bourgeois American life, and generally scoffing at all the conventions of traditional culture. They were elite, after all. Special. Chosen †if you will †if only by the nature of their heightened sensitivities and choice sensibilities. They both claimed the ability to look past the façade put on by most people, and see the very depths of the human soul. Strange, then, that they didnt see it approach path when the skinny guy in a flannel raiment popped around the corner in front of them.\r\nâ€Å"Lets ask these guys,” ovalbumin said. â€Å"They look like heroin addicts.”\r\nJared White Wolf and Abby usual backpedaled from the eyeliner display where theyd been sounding for something hypoallergenic. Abbys eyes had been water all night, causing her makeup to put up and giving her more of a sad-clown-of-life look than she was going for.\r\nJared hid behind Abby, just a little, which was awkward, since he was nearly a substructure taller than she. The guy in flannel was conjugated by a beautiful, pale redhead, carrying an armload of toiletries. What unspeakable hair, Abby thought, expression at the long red tresses. Id give anything for hair like that.\r\nâ€Å"Tommy, hand these poor people alone,” said the redhead.\r\nâ€Å"No, wait.” face cloth sullen to Abby and smiled. â€Å"Do you guys know where they intimidate the syringes?”\r\nAbby looked at Jared, who looked at the guy in flannel. â€Å"Well, you cant just buy them,” Jared said. He was little with the leather straps on his bondage pants, looking coy. Abby slapped his hand.\r\nâ€Å"You need a prescription to buy syringes,” Abby said.\r\nâ€Å"Do you really think I look like a heroin addict?” Jared threw his bangs out of his baptistery dramatically. His head was shaved except for his bangs, which reached to his chin, specifically so he could throw them out of his face dramatically. â€Å"I was, like, thinking that maybe I should bulk up. You know, eat and stuff, but †â€Å"\r\nâ€Å"Well, thanks,” said Flannel Shirt. The redhead moved off down the aisle. â€Å"I was going t o try some heroin, but if you cant buy needles, well, there you go. follow up you guys. Nice garb, by the way.”\r\nAbby looked down at her T-shirt, black, of course, with the image of a poet taken from a nineteenth-century etching. â€Å"Like you even know who it is.”\r\n” ‘She walks in beauty, like the night, ” quoted the flannel-shirt guy. He winked at her, then grinned. â€Å"Byrons a hero of mine. See ya.”\r\nHe liberateed and started to walk away. Abby reached out and snagged his sleeve. â€Å"Hey, there are needle deepen programs all over town. Theyre listed in the speak Guardian.”\r\nâ€Å"Thanks,” said flannel. He turned and Abby grabbed him again.\r\nâ€Å"Were going to be at the Glas Kat. Theres a scrooge club tonight. Five-hundred block of Fourth Street. I know a dealer there. You know, for your heroin.”\r\nThe flannel-shirt guy nodded, and looked at Byrons picture on her shirt again, then at her face. Fuck socks. Hes so looking at my streaking eye makeup.\r\nâ€Å"Thanks, milady,” said Flannel Shirt. And he was gone, off over the dark moors of the tampon aisle.\r\nâ€Å"What was that about?” whined Jared. â€Å"Hes so, so dexterous Days.” Jared White Wolf spent a lot of time watching gouge at Nite when he wasnt brooding or fussing with his egressance.\r\nAbby walked into the flap of Jareds black duster and pounded his lithe chest with her palms. â€Å"Didnt you see. Didnt you see?”\r\nâ€Å"What, you acting like a complete ho?”\r\nâ€Å"He had fangs,” Abby said.\r\nâ€Å"Well, so do I,” Jared said, reaching into his firing and pulling out a straddle of perfect, dentistry-quality vampire fangs. â€Å"Duh, everybody does.”\r\nâ€Å"Yeah, but his grew! I power saw them. Lets go,” Abby said, pulling Jared White Wolf by his great bat-wing lapels. â€Å"I have to change into something hot before we go to the club.” \r\nâ€Å"Wait, I want to get some Halls. My pharynx is raw from all the cloves we smoked last night.”\r\nâ€Å"Hurry.” The buckles of Abbys black platform boots jangled as she dragged her familiarity past the lipsticks and hair products before he could get elicit.\r\nâ€Å"Okay,” said Jared, â€Å"but if I dont meet a cute guy tonight, you have to stay up all night and hold me while I cry.”\r\nâ€Å"You should try black lipstick sometime,” Tommy said to Jody as they approached their building, their arms loaded with packages. He was still thinking about the kids at the drugstore. It was the first time since tenth print that hed used his knowledge of Romantic poetry. For a while hed tried molding himself into the tragic Romantic hero, brooding and staring clench-jawed off into space as he still dark verse in his head. But it turned out that trying to appear tragic in Incontinence, Indiana, was redundant, and his mother kept shouting at him and making him immobilise his rhymes. â€Å"Tommy, if you keep grinding your teeth like that, theyll wear away and youll have to have dentures like aunt Ester.” Tommy only wished his beard was as heavy as Aunt Esters †then he could stare out over the moors while he stroked it pensively.\r\nâ€Å"Yeah,” Jody said, â€Å"because I need to make it more overt that Im an undead creature that feeds on the blood of the living.”\r\nâ€Å"You make it sound so sordid.”\r\nâ€Å"No, I meant it in a nice way.”\r\nâ€Å"Oh.”\r\nâ€Å"Because its not like people wouldnt understand if they found out we were vampires, because we slipped up and, oh, I dont know, UNSHEATHED OUR FANGS IN THE FUCKING DRUGSTORE!”\r\nTommy almost dropped his packages. She hadnt said a word about that all night. Hed hoped she hadnt noticed. â€Å"It was an accident.”\r\nâ€Å"You called that girl ‘milady. â€Å"\r\nâ€Å"She was impress with my Byron.â €\r\nâ€Å"Yeah, well, your Byron was probably cohesive out a little, too, wasnt he?”\r\nâ€Å"It wasnt like that.”\r\nâ€Å"You drooled.” Jody paused at their security door and dig into her jacket for her key.\r\nTommy stepped around her. â€Å"Im still bare-assed at this. I think Im doing pretty well. My ghastly pallor obviously impressed the lady at the needle exchange.” He reached into his bag and fanned out a handful of sterile-wrapped and capped syringes.\r\nâ€Å"Congratulations, you can now pass as an HIV-positive heroin addict.”\r\nâ€Å"Tr??s chic.” He grinned like he imagined a sexy Italian man-whore capacity.\r\nâ€Å"Who drools in public,” Jody said.\r\nDamn, shes resistive to my sexy Italian man-whore grin, Tommy thought. He said, â€Å"Be nice, Im new. My lips dont fit together right when my fangs are out.”\r\nShe turned the key and swung the door open. There, passed out on the landing institutionalise, was William the huge cat guy and sleeping on his chest, Chet the huge cat.\r\nâ€Å"I told you it would work,” Tommy said.\r\nJody stepped into the stairwell and closed the door behind her. â€Å"You go first.”\r\nFifteen minutes later, as he placed five syringes full of blood in their refrigerator, Tommy said, â€Å"This vampire thing is going to be great.”\r\nHed had a moment when hed bitten William †not just getting over the idea of being that close someone who smelled that nasty, but also being close to other man period. But after cleaning Williams neck with an alcohol swab theyd gotten from the drugstore, and comfort himself that most literary vampires seemed sexually uncertain anyway, the blood hunger pushed him through.\r\nHe was feeling more relaxed, now that they had the food fuss solved †for a while, anyway. If his friends didnt kill them in the next couple of days, he might even enjoy life as a vampire. Then he turned to Jody and frowne d. â€Å"But I cant help but think that it may be wrong, fetching advantage of a homeless alcoholic.”\r\nâ€Å"We could just hunt and kill people,” Jody said cheerfully. She had a little crust of Williams blood in the corner of her mouth. Tommy licked his thumb and wiped it away.\r\nâ€Å"We did give him a nice sweater for his huge shaved cat,” Tommy said.\r\nâ€Å"I loved that sweater,” Jody said. â€Å"And we are giving him a warm landing to sleep on,” she added, diving onto Tommys rationalization dog pile.\r\nâ€Å"And if we only take a little bit each day, hell actually feel better. I know I did.”\r\nâ€Å"And we wont produce alcoholics ourselves.”\r\nâ€Å"How are you feeling, by the way?” Tommy said.\r\nâ€Å"Better. bull of the dog. You?”\r\nâ€Å"Two-beer buzz, max. Ill be fine. You want to try the taste?”\r\nJody checked her watch. â€Å"No time. Well do it tomorrow night.”\r\nâ€Å"Right. So, on to the list. realizes like hot monkey love.”\r\nâ€Å"Tommy, we need to find a daytime person to help us. We have to move out of this place.”\r\nâ€Å"Ive been thinking about Alaska.”\r\nâ€Å"Okay, good for you, but we still need to find a place to live where the Animals and examiner Rivera cant find us.”\r\nâ€Å"No, Im thinking we should move to Alaska. For one thing, in the winter, its dark for like cardinal hours a day, so wed have bulk of time. And I read somewhere that Eskimos put their old people out on the ice when they are ready to die. It would be like people were leaving snacks out for us.”\r\nâ€Å"Youre kidding.”\r\nâ€Å"Eskimo Pies?” He grinned.\r\nJody put her hand on her hip and looked at him, her mouth abeyance open a little, as if she was hold for something more. When it didnt come, she said, â€Å"Okay then, Im going to change.”\r\nâ€Å"Into a wildcat?”\r\nâ€Å"Clothes, cadaver breath.â €\r\nâ€Å"I didnt know. I thought maybe youd learned.”\r\nTommy thought Alaska was a great idea. Just because she was a few years older, she always acted like his ideas were stupid. â€Å"The thing with William worked,” he said defensively as he put away the supplies theyd bought at the drugstore.\r\nâ€Å"That was a good idea,” Jody said from inside the closet.\r\n straightway what? â€Å"Well, Alaska isnt a bad idea.”\r\nâ€Å"Tommy, theres like nine people in all of Alaska. Well stand out, dont you think?”\r\nâ€Å"No, everyone is pale there. They dont have cheerfulness for most of the year.”\r\nShe came out of the closet wearing her little black cocktail set and her strappy come-fuck-me pumps. â€Å"Im ready,” she said.\r\nâ€Å"Wow,” Tommy said. Hed forgotten what they were talking about.\r\nâ€Å"You think the Ferrari-red lipstick would be too much?”\r\nâ€Å"No, I love the Ferrari-red lipstick on you.â₠¬Â Hot, sweet monkey love, he thought. This was exactly why he loved her. In the midst of all of the pressure, the danger, really †she still took time to think of his feelings.\r\nShe lifted her breasts until they threatened to spill out of the plunging neckline of the dress. â€Å"Too much?”\r\nâ€Å"Perfect,” Tommy said, walking toward her with his workforce out. â€Å"Gimme.”\r\nShe breezed past him into the bathroom. â€Å" non for you. I need to get going.”\r\nâ€Å"No, no, no,” Tommy said. â€Å"Hot monkey love.”\r\nWhile Tommy watched from the doorway, Jody applied the Ferrari-red lipstick, checked it, then frowned and wiped it off, then grabbed a different tube off the vanity. â€Å"When I get back.”\r\nâ€Å"Where?” Tommy said. Sexual licking had reduced him to single syllables.\r\nShe turned to him with the new coat of maroon lipstick. â€Å"To get your minion.”\r\nâ€Å"Not like that, youre not,† Tommy said.\r\nâ€Å"This is how it works, Tommy. This is how I got you.”\r\nâ€Å"Nuh-uh, you werent wearing that when I met you.”\r\nâ€Å"No, but the reason you pursued me is because you were interested in me sexually, wasnt it?”\r\nâ€Å"Well, thats how it started, but its more than that now.” And it was more, but that was no reason to leave him here all aroused and stuff.\r\nShe walked over to him and put her arms around him. He let his hands slip inside the low back of her dress. His pants were getting tight and he could feel the pressure of his fangs coming out.\r\nâ€Å"When I get back,” she said. â€Å"I promise. Youre my guy, Tommy. I picked you as my guy, forever. Im going to find someone to help us move and do things for us in the daytime.”\r\nâ€Å"Theyre just going to want to bone you, and when you dont do them, theyll turn on you.”\r\nâ€Å"Not necessarily.”\r\nâ€Å"Of course they will. Look at you.”\r\ nâ€Å"Ill figure it out, okay. I dont know how else to go about it.”\r\nâ€Å"We could put an ad on Craigs List.” (Craigs List was a class Web site that had started in the request Area and was now the first place people checked for jobs, apartments, or nearly everything.)\r\nâ€Å"Were not putting an ad on Craigs List. Look, Tommy, we have more things to do than we have time. You can clean the loft and go get the backwash done and Ill get us an onion.”\r\nâ€Å"Minion,” he corrected.\r\nâ€Å"Whatever. I love you,” she said.\r\nBitch! He was vanquished. Unfair. â€Å"I love you, too.”\r\nâ€Å"Ill take one of the disposable cell phones you bought. You can call me anytime.”\r\nâ€Å"Theyre not even activated yet.”\r\nâ€Å"Well, get on that, buddy. The preferably I get out there and find someone, the sooner I can get back here for some hot monkey love.”\r\nShe has absolutely no sense of ethics, he thought. Shes a mons ter. And yet, there she is, only a few dress straps from being naked.\r\nâ€Å"Okay,” he said. â€Å"Dont step on the huge cat on the way out.”\r\nJody had only been gone twenty minutes before Tommy decided that cleaning and laundry sucked and that he could find a minion as well as she could, even if he didnt look as hot in a little black dress. He was careful not to wake Chet and William on his way out.\r\n'